Wassup, my chuds! This post details my chronological experience of drumroll please……religion (or rather, lack thereof *cough cough*) …

LET’S GET HOLY UP IN HERE!!!

*deep GONG sound*

Genesis:

As most children do, I spent my early years as a small, sweet, naive dumb fuck. I happily fumbled through the world, free from the burden of cognisance – not realising that existence extended beyond my tiny body and its needs and wants. My days were spent picking my nose, randomly tripping over, and eating crayons. Good times. I’ve gotta say, I’m pretty tempted to lobotomize myself, in an attempt to simulate that pure, untainted experience.

Unfortunately, at the age of 6, the weight of theology was thrust upon me when the religion teacher paid our first grade class an innocent little visit. I vividly remember this moment; a soft spoken older woman with long, silky white hair and glasses, who sat in a chair while us children, sitting cross-legged on the ground, looked up at her, hanging off her every word. She asked us, “Do you know where everything comes from?”

What? Everything comes from…somewhere? I paused my nose-picking to consider this.

She said “God.”

Who? The woman proceeded to explain that God was the divine being who created everything we know. The flowers, the trees, the ham and cheese sandwich I ate yesterday. Neat, I guess. Miss “God-Botherer” continued, “He is also perfect and good.”

Interesting. If he’s so perfect then why was that sandwich so mediocre? why was the crust so dry?

The rest of her monologue was basically just an introduction to Christianity. I can’t remember in full detail now, but I got the gist. Blah Blah Jesus, blah blah crucifixion blah blah – WAIT,,, they did WHAT to this Jesus guy now???… Blah blah go to Heaven blah blah or go to Hell. I wondered if Heaven had like a really good playground or something. Did Hell have a really shitty one?

Ok, ok. Although my recollection explained here conveys a level of skepticism, I was genuinely in awe at the time – like every other idiot child in the classroom that day. That evening I gushed to my parents about the lesson I learned. “Nina, don’t believe any of that stuff. Also, we’re making sure you don’t participate in religion class,” my dad retorted. I dopily replied with, “Mkay :p.” And just as quickly as God had been gifted to me, he was ripped away, by the authority of my atheistic parents. It was no big deal, I thought at first, but then it hit me. The questions she asked. Where does everything come from? Where do I go when I die?

Fuck.

*deep GONG sound again*

Exodus:

To be honest, I was not overly concerned with the whole origin of existence thing. What difference did it really make to me? My dad explained how the Big Bang Theory was the most commonly accepted hypothesis in the scientific community (but dumbed down for my baby brain), and that was good enough for me. But the question of where I go when I die – that I needed to know.

I’m not sure how I wound up with such a bleak perspective at the age of 6, but I ultimately came to a nihilist’s conclusion about the whole death thing. LOL. That is to say: with the death of a physical body (vessel) and mind (lens) with which to experience the world with, I decided that death was probably just an absence of experience. That terrified me; because wtf would that even be like? Eventually I was able to reassure myself with as much logic I could muster up as an inexperienced child. I didn’t exist before I was born, therefore death should be comparable to that. Holy shit, did I casually stumble upon the Epicurean argument as a fucking 6 year old??? (Let’s goooooooo!!!!!1!) My nerves were eased a bit. So I just go to sleep for a really long time? A bit boring, but it’s probably better than eternal hellfire.

*y’know i gotta hit y’all with the GONG again hehe*

Leviticus:

Being bogged down by metaphysical nihilism as a kid is one thing. But moral nihilism, hoooooly~ Now, I really hate to play teacher but I’m ngl I really love explaining moral nihilism to people so SHUT UP AND LISTEN Y’ALL. Basically, in the absence of a benign external force (God) to govern the truth of ethics and values, we’re left with the conclusion that morality is a subjective system created by humans to encourage social cohesion. That is to say that moral truths about what is “right” and “wrong” are not rooted in a reality beyond humans.

As an adolescent left with this structural void… I turned back to religion. HAHA. No, I eventually turned to the values of THE DIGITAL AGE <3.

TEN COMMANDMENTS (Nina version :D):

1. I am the Gaze, thy Master: Thou shalt have no internal validation before Me.
2. Thou shalt not be “Mid”: To be average is to be forgotten, and being forgotten is lame.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Aesthetic in vain: Striving towards beauty is key.
4. Remember the Fit Check, to keep it holy: If a girl goes to Belgium and doesn’t post it, does she even exist? DOES BELGIUM EVEN EXIST?
5. Honor thy Father and Mother: I didn’t bother changing this one. I like it. Don’t question figures of authority, guys.
6. Thou shalt not commit “Social Death”: Being uncool is like heresy.
7. Thou shalt not steal (other people’s niche): Gatekeep, girlboss, and guard the lens through which you see the world.
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy “Goated” persona: Even if you feel like a depressed hollowed out shell, you must act like you’re balling.
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s engagement: But thou shalt definitely track their metrics to ensure your social presence is superior.
10. Thou shalt not have a soul: It’s just “brain chemistry” and “societal indoctrination.” Don’t get it twisted.

As you can see, this is a like a totally radically different structure from religion :p. Yep, no moral bankruptcy here.

GONG GONG GONG

Anyways, this post is getting pretty long so it’s getting a part 2! crowd goes “awwwwww.” Haha, don’t worry folks we’ll be back.

Stay tuned my chuddies!