At the age of 12, I found out that grown men also shared a love of pinkie pie; only they made sure to detail their adoration … in horrifically gory animation videos on YouTube for me to see <3.

When I first experienced the glorious animated series My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, I was totally in awe of its sweet, vibrant aesthetic, adorable bug eyed characters, and its 5 star Emmy-award-winning narrative. Total masterpiece. Seriously. The world of “Equestria” is as poignant Dante’s Inferno, but it’s like…cute and shit.

Here’s the basic premise: Ruler of Equestria, Princess Celestia sends Twilight Sparkle, her unicorn student, to the town of Ponyville to learn about friendship. There, she goes on adventures with Rainbow Dash (lgbt lesbian representation pony), Pinkie Pie (pink Xanax edm rave pony), Rarity (slave labour fast fashion pony), Fluttershy (nature pagan witch secret taxidermist pony) and Applejack (deep south farmer MAGA pony). Oh and a little stoner dragon named Spike is there for some reason. Eventually they start killing and eating people or something like that. Fucking riveting.

I am NOT exaggerating; this show was as addictive as the illicit substances Pinkie Pie was probably taking.

Even though it was a show clearly geared towards young girls like me, I couldn’t help but think, “Shit, am I too old for this?” I decided to leave the world of Equestria and embark on my journey through another *magical* place…

The Internet. (Oh God)

Back in my day, *in granny voice* YouTube was the wild fuckin’ west. I can’t tell you how many nights I spent huddled under my blankets, illuminated by the blaring light of my laptop, and entranced by the soft moans of an ecchi anime. Yep, just animated titties straight posted to YouTube. What a time to exist as an adolescent with unrestricted internet access.

Softcore-porn-anime tangent aside, as a hardcore pony lover you can guess what I typed into the YT search bar… and thus began my descent into Brony hell.

… my people.

i think the worse offender of egregiously graphic pony animations was probably the “.mov” series on YT. I just spent the last 30 mins or so rewatching them and..

HOLY FUCK. These videos are kind of fucking fire no cap. I was going to finish this entry by describing the series but I honestly want you guys (my 3 readers) (love you guys) (no seriously i would fuck all 3 of you) to watch this atrocity yourselves.

Huh. I Suppose I should have thought of some nuanced conclusion for this blog entry, but I honestly can’t think of one. I guess it’s weird for adults to be occupying a space intended for children and then completely dominating it. But like, now I’m the adult who still buys Littlest Pet Shop play sets and I can’t stand children. They’re so small and useless and dumb and kidnappable like bro, how do u even fuckin move around in the world.

So yea. I guess that’s the conclusion of this entry. Kids fuckin suck.

Here’s the worst .mov vid btw.

https://youtu.be/cH-yA8U2XgI?si=rv0fyzwKiB6VHkBb

I hope the fact that I discovered that at age 12 provides some insight into the development of my stupid chungus psyche.

Later nerds.

-Nina