At some inconvenient hour,

you found it most convenient

to hold me,

to kiss me,

to love me,

or at least pretend to.

–

Did you pretend to see me as well?

When you said I was beautiful,

even though we only met in the dark.

I couldn’t see much of you either,

my head buried in your pillows,

your linen sheets pulled over my eyes.

–

And when the heavy breathing slowed,

the silence was surprisingly warm.

I felt a strange comfort in your presence,

in those soft, tranquil moments.

Feeling emboldened, I pressed against you.

That was a mistake.

–

I felt sorry.

So miserably sorry.

A part of me still is, sorry

For asking an entitled question like that.

But “sorry” can’t erase that instant,

that millisecond,

the illusion shattered.

And I finally saw that your tender vulnerability

was just bittersweet insincerity.

–

It’s clear to me now.

And all I’m left with is embarrassment.

You still let me stay the night,

granting me that one commitment.

Afterwards, as expected,

you went completely quiet.

We were nothing in the end,

to you, we were nothing to begin with.

–

I still walk around carrying pieces of you.

In my music, hobbies, and interests.

Even my mannerisms

Are tainted by your influence.

And in my seemingly confident stride,

a little ghost taunts me.

He’s so annoying.

I hope there’s something like him,

following you too.

–

inspired by the band pisskiss and all the instagram reels they caption with “situationship so bad I…”